Nekkid Man

So, there's this band, right? And that band is called The Process of Moving. And they've been around for about five years, and now they're breaking up. Their last show is this coming Saturday. And seriously, they're breaking up, so you really should come out. Seriously. Here's the info:

SATURDAY, APRIL 17, 2004
MEMPHIS, TN @ THE NEW DAISY THEATRE

CHOSEN VIEW
THE PROCESS OF MOVING (last show ever)
SEVEN DOLLAR SOX
CHASE PAGAN (ex Tomorrow's Rescue from Dallas, TX)
MODERN DAY HERO (St. Louis, MO)

7 PM /// 7 DOLLARS

COME OUT AND SHOW YOU SUPPORT AS THE PROCESS OF MOVING SAYS GOODBYE FOREVER.
www.theprocessofmoving.com

Again, folks, my new journal is www.livejournal.com/~shawnzorn

So I keep looking at the last two entries going "How the hell am I supposed to just start posting my same old stupid shit after that?"

And here's what I've decided. If the band The Process of Moving is over, so will be this livejournal. I don't want the name as a constant reminder anyway.

The Process of Moving was who I was, but I'm turning over a new leaf and it's not who I am anymore. I'm Shawn Zorn now, and as such my new livejournal can be found at www.livejournal.com/~shawnzorn

I won't be posting on this anymore, but I will keep it around so that I can still read it. Please add my new journal. And thanks again everyone for the kind words and the support. It means more than all of you can know.

(could this entry have been any more pretentious?)

3/30/04

The afternoon after. I don't even know where I'm supposed to start. In an hour, five years disappear and it's a little tough to get your balance. I don't know if I'm even able to cry anymore, but every time I start to talk about it, that's all that happens. I've never felt this hurt, scared, confused, angry and just all around drained in my entire life. In an instant, everything turns around. Relationships crumble and it seems like the ground and sky give way with them. These are the times when the mind questions whether or not it's worth it to ever care about anything again.

The Process of Moving was my child. It was my heart and my soul. It was my stupid cliche, love of my life. And it's fucking dead. I know that, to many of you, The Process of Moving was just a band, and probably not even one of your favorites. But this band was my life. This band was everything that I as a person was. Not to imply that my life is over, but 90% or what I did with my time, 90% of all the conversations I've had, and 90% of the friends I've made since 1999 have all been over something that doesn't exist anymore. As long as I can remember, I've had a purpose, a goal, and a dream. And now I'm standing at a crossroads, with no idea of which way I'm supposed to go. The purpose, the goal, the dream; all gone and behind me. And, to be honest, it's a little unnerving.

This has been the single most devastating thing that's ever happened to me in my life. It feels like somebody died, and, in a way, that's exactly what happened. This has touched and spread out to affect so many people. I have seen so many people that I care deeply about in tears over how this has affected all of our lives. It's a shame that a few selfish actions of one individual can cause so much pain to so many people. I wish not to point fingers or place blame, but betrayal is a powerful action, and not one easily recovered from.

To you, I'm genuinly happy for you. But I ask you to please remember that with a few simple words and actions, you destroyed a very, very large portion of the world of a person who would have killed for you. I will persevere, I will move on, and you and I will undoubtedly overcome this as people, but I'm not going to downplay or let you forget the amount of pain you've caused me; much less the people I (and thought you did too) care about. There are worse things you can do to those you love than kill them. Throughout my life, I have believed steadfastly in the power of the bond created through brotherhood and family love. It has been an ideal that I've cherished since I had the mental capacity to do so. I hope you realize how much you've affected that ideal, and how much you've caused me to have to reevaluate everything I've ever truly believed in. With that being said, I wish you the best of luck in the future. Here's to "back." Thank you.

To everyone else, I want to say thank you. Thank you for listening, for reading this, and thank you for your immense support in the past. None of the last five years would have been possible without you. Thank you to Kristen, Zach, Brian, Ryan, Vanessa, Sara, Tearza, Kayce, Olivia, Buddy, Frenchie, Shannyn, Jake, Ashley, Lori, Tyler, and everybody else who has gone out of their way to show just how this has affected them. You truly make me feel like I actually accomplished something with this stupid band. And thank you to Lauren for showing me that you find the best of friends in the last place you'd ever expect. Oh, yeah, and thanks to Brandon, for being everything he's been to me in the past years. You are the only person who has dreamed right along with me since the beginning. I love you with all of my heart, no matter what happens in the future. All of you give me peace, and hope for the future. I promise that this won't be the last time you hear from me. Thank you, and I love you all so much.

.Shawn.

This is Shawn with some sad news everybody.

After five years, the members of The Process of Moving will be parting and going their seperate ways. There are so many things going through my mind and heart right now, and I don't even know what to say. But we felt it was important that we got the news out to everybody.

The details aren't important, but last night Derren and Tyler simultaneously left the band. Derren is leaving to join the band Calico System as their second guitar player. Although we are devastated to see him go, we wish him the best of luck. Tyler has decided to quit music to pursue his family, school, and religion. Brandon and I aren't sure exactly how to move on from this, but we have decided to end The Process of Moving. He and I are the only two original members so it only makes sense that it should end with us as well.

We want to thank every single one of you so much more than you understand for your immense support in the past, and, hopefully in the future. Whatever happens, know that the past years of my life have been the most amazing thing I ever had a chance to be a part of. Thank you all so much. If you wish to leave us comments, do so on our livejournal or website, which will remain up for the time being so that anybody who is interested can keep up with all of our future endeavors.

The three other members of The Process of Moving have been my three best friends in the world for as long as I can remember, and it tears me apart to know that this is over. I wish them all the best of luck in the future, no matter what happens. Again, thank you so much for everything all of you have ever done for our band. We love you.

Derren and Tyler have both written statements they wish me to send out. Brandon and I will probably do the same, but we haven't been able to collect our thoughts enough yet. If and when we do, the statements will be posted on the website and livejournal.

Derren:
Today is a sad day in the TPoM world. It is with a heavy heart that I
announce my resignation of guitar duties in The Process of Moving. I
want everyone to know that all the people that were ever involved in
this band and this collection of wonderful people are the reason that I
am who I am today. I love everyone and I am extremely sincere to all of
your feelings. To all the fans: you made this great and you all will
never be forgotten. In my heart, there are no hard feelings and no
regrets. I myself have other things I will be moving on to and you all
will see me....as well as other members of this band. We wil all move
onto bigger and better things. I love you all. Thank you.

Tyler:
I regret to inform you all, the awesome Process of Moving fans and many
other friends, that my services as bassist are being relinquished on April
17th. I feel like I have made music my only reason for living, and for those
who know me best, this is the farthest from what I want my life to portray.
I have learned, lived, and loved a dream with three of the greatest people I
have ever had the privilege of calling friends. I'm not going to act like
I'm going to enjoy not playing with these guys, and all things happen for a
reason, good and bad. Adversity makes us stronger in the end, but it
shouldn't toughen our hearts and nullify our emotions. Brokeness is the
first sign of a new, and possibly better, creation. Friends and fans alike,
I just want you to know that I love you all with the love that God can only
give. Thank you for all the great things you've shared with me.

Again, thank you all so much for the past five years.

We will be playing two final shows with the current lineup before we disband. Those two shows are as follows:

Monday, April 5, 2004
Where: Nashville, TN @ The Muse
With:
Chase Pagan (Dallas, TX)
The Process of Moving
Crippled Nation
Stutter (Nashville, TN)
order of acts not yet known

Saturday, April 17, 2004
Where: Memphis, TN @ The New Daisy Theatre
With:
Chase Pagan (Dallas, TX)
Modern Day Hero (St. Louis, MO)
Seven Dollar Sox
The Process of Moving
Chosen View

Please, if at all possible, try and make it out to one of these shows, and show your support. Thank you.

When five years of your life disappears in an hour, the world seems like a pretty different place.

Things are going to be rough for awhile. Thanks everybody for everything. It's been a lot of fun.

I don't think I've ever in my life felt more alone than I do right now.

I just found the silliest LJ community. Scenstersexx. I was curious, so I went to look and it's picture of a bunch of xhardxcorex kids posting pictures of themselves to find out, and I quote, "am i the sex?". I thought of Shawn when I saw it, and thought he should post those emo bathroom pics he's got to find out if he is, indeed, the sex. There's not a doubt in my mind he is.

Teehee.

Fuck today.

TYLER AND I ARE DESPERATE!!

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF OF THAT STUPID CARTOON WITH BALOU FROM THE JUNGLE BOOK WHERE HE FLEW A PLANE, AND LAUNCHPAD MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON IT. THERE WAS A BIG ORANGE PLANE, AND A DOCK.

HELP!!!!

The Snake The Cross The Crown.

Listen to them. You people are missing out on something amazing.

Note:  I realized after I got into those post that it's a very sort of whiny post.  That was not the intent.  It's just been a boring day and these things come about accordingly.

I just determined that the next 24 hours are going to suuuuuuuuck.  Not much better ways to bring the mood down.  Oh well.

So I tried to write tonight.  I've had a lot of ideas floating around, but when I tried to sit down and focuse, all I got was pretty much garbage.  So I quit.

I've been sitting in front of this damn computer aaaaalllll day.  And I hate it when that happens, because then I get to feeling sick.

Finally, I really would like to go play my drums, but I can't, because they're in the trailer and it'd be dumb for me to take the trailer over to our practice space and not unload everything.  Now, why can't everything be unloaded from the trailer?  Because I'm by myself and I can't lift it all.  Yeah, way to go Shawn.  There's something that you want to do and you can't do it because you way one hundred and five pounds.  Woo.

I've got some homework that I guess I could do, but that's about the last thing I wanna do. 

I guess I'll try a fun little experiment that I've tried once before.

Every post something.  It doens't matter what, but post something.  It can be annonymous, it doesn't matter.  Tell me what you really think of me.  Or post a poem.  Or a story.  Or whatever.  Just post something.  Give me something to read.  I don't remember the exact wording of this game, but you get the idea.  Now, go!

 

The following cds are currently serenading me through the day.

Codeseven - The Rescue
Copeland - Beneath Medicine Tree
Cursive - The Ugly Organ
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlaticisms
Dora - Dead Horse Lounge
Imaginary Baseball League - Cardiac
Murder by Death - Who Will Survive, and What Will be Left of Them?
Piebald - We Are the Only Friends We Have
Rescue - Volume Plus Volume
The Snake, The Cross, The Crown - Like a Moth Before a Flame

X.[What is wrong with me? I'm losing all my core points].x

I listen to you when I'm lonely

Sometimes, your voice hurts so bad

I collapse upon these knives when I sleep

Girl, I fall into your eyes when I wake

You are so beautiful that you blind the whole world

You're blind little girl

Are you mine?

I've gotta keep my PMA.

That's the new slogan for Shawn. 

I'm holding my breath, and it's not the easiest thing I've ever done.  But it's not the hardest either.  And I've definitely done things that were less fun in my life, so it's not terrible.  It's just a matter of finding a way to monitor the pulse without suffocating it. 

I've been in the mood to write and to work.  It's a productive mood, and I think it's a channeling of my emotions into a creative, constructive energy.  I've felt more artistic as of late, which isn't a terrible thing.  I just need to focuse, and it's been hard to do so.  I would have liked to be able to work a bit tonight, but it seems as though Fish got kicked out, so he's staying here for the time being.  Which is cool, cause he's a friend, but it means I probably won't get anything done.  Oh well.

Me:  Are you gonna fall asleep like always?

Her:  No, not tonight, because I'm excited.

Me:  Why are you excited?

Her:  Because you're back.

I've gotta keep my PMA.

...Your sister called the operator just to see if she could get the chance to talk to someone about her feelings for James Dean.  Never seemed as though you aged at all.  Still you lie awake at 3:15 trying hard to make yourself believe that hours would be better if the boy you saw was me.

goodnight.

There's a new The Process of Moving livejournal. If it will ever be updated, I don't know. Link it up though. www.livejournal.com/~tpom615.

It's been a few days since a real update.  So I guess I'll play a game of ketchup (ba-dum-ching).

I was up at Cat's Music from about noon to nine pm today, just hanging out with Brian.  For nine hours.  It was great.  I can post a lot about what Brian's friendship means to me, but I always do.  I just feel blessed, because I don't think most people have a friend like that.  Thank you.  And then after that, we went to his house, over to IHOP (where my whole band was, plus the big EO, who I haven't seen in like years, so that was cool.)  We were gonna go back to Brian's and watch the Critic, but I was real tired, and we're planning on hanging out tomorrow, so I just came home.

So here, I am, sitting at my computer, updating my livejournal.  Drinking a bottle of Bud Light.  Sending out a few business emails, and then I'm going to go to sleep, and it's going to be glorious.  Glorious.

So on Sunday night, Vanessa drove down to see me.  Which was awesome.  As you may be able to tell from my last few journals, things took a bit of a turn, and I spent about a day straight in pretty deep cynicism.  But then the optimism took over (big thanks to Brian for that) and things are looking up.  I just, man...I take things so fucking hard sometimes, and it sucks.  I just have to have a perspective, or a chosen view, if you will, on things.  Anyway, yeah, Vanessa came down.  We hung out with my friends and my family and I showed her around Memphis.  And I had an amazing time.  And that's all I'll say about it right now.

 So yeah, I guess at the moment, optimism is the key, because nothing else gets me anywhere.

On a different note, I saw Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind.  Oh, my God.  This movie left me pretty speechless.  It's absolutely beautiful.  Please see it.  Sara, you will see this movie with me, I am ordering it.  Actually, that probably won't happen, because of other developements (congrats on that by the way.)

I talked to Kristen last night and told her everything going on.  And it was good, because we didn't argue.  Sure, we both think it sucks, but we both recognize that we're friends now, and we're working at being there for one another.  To you, I hope you really really know I wasn't trying to ditch out on you tonight.  We can talk all you want when we get the chance.

Man, seriously...Brian Vernon is the best friend anybody could ever ask for.

I'm starting to buzz ever so slightly, which will be nice for sleeping.  I'm gonna go send out a few emails, and then go to sleep.  G'night.  Leave me a comment and tell me you love me.

BONDAGE JEANS!

On nights like these, I want to take a bottle down to a lake and throw rocks in it. With someone else. Someone I wanted to know better. And we could exchange stories.

I guess we got to last night, but it wasn't quite the kinds of stories I'd hoped for. Oh well. Time is something I have enough of.

I'll probably write more shitty poetry about this.

Tonight, I'll have nightmares
That's assuming I can catch a wink
Or the nudge, nudge
We'll just refrain (please?)
Tell the police
And the captive gets it
Talk to anyone
And I swear it dies
My body is silent
So the air will talk for me
And lights will dance
And move monsters across the floor
As my clothes brush one another
I'll hear your voice
And heavy breathing
Drowned out only by my heartbeat
It's getting faster
Resounding, echoing
Around the cavern that just became my stomach
I have a desire (but we'll hold it until act three)
When I'll unleash
After the most creative of plot twists
I'll race out like cavalier and sweep you off your feet
As long as I don't lose my own balance
Oh well, they're only appologies
and I can fix it all anyway
I'll make up for things I did and things I didn't
With a wink
A nudge
And another of those convenient plot twists.


Do you see the parallel?

Alright, so I'm hanging out here at the paintball store, where I will be for the next three hours.

Bane is playing tonight. Not sure if I feel up to going. Armor for Sleep is playing too though. It would be nice to see them, but I probably won't go.

So, then...anyone wanna go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with me tonight? I say group fieldtrip, but we'll see. Call me on my cell phone if you're the interested.

I don't have tons else to talk about right now, despite the fact that it's been a few days since I've updated.

When I think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird.

Zach Myers' latest lj entry makes my heart skip about 47 beats. I didn't count the total amount. But I'm real excited and real scared. Which isn't as bad as my body is telling me right now.

Sleep. More, later.